


Vriska murdered a fish and a hot vampire :(

by Balloon_ROYALTY



Category: Homestuck
Genre: "pale-whore" term used, AU Shenanigans, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Eridan swapped with Vriska, Gore, Meteorstuck, POV Eridan Ampora, Role Swap, Swearing, Temporary Character Death, Writing Prompt, as a joke, but still won't fucking die, character-typical phrasing, eridan dies once but he's god tier so it's okay, eridan is lowkey pale for kanaya, eridan keeps insulting sollux in the narration., feferi and vriska were pale, feferi died too, gamzee got kicked in the shame globes, graphic depiction of violence iffy but better safe than sorry, kanaya dies a bit, karkat would make a good pay-pale, only karkat eridan and terezi have dialogue tbh, questionable innuendo by karkat, tavros dies, terezi has one word, vriska finally fucking dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 13:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14450598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balloon_ROYALTY/pseuds/Balloon_ROYALTY
Summary: It's an Eridan-Vriska role swap!Prompt from a prompt-generator."A minor villain and a major protagonist switch roles."





	Vriska murdered a fish and a hot vampire :(

Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA, and you’re not sure if you can believe what you just saw.

You’d just warped into the lab only to immediately stumble over something cold and soft, taking a moment to gain your bearings before glancing down to see what the everlovin’ fuck you had just stepped on.

You think it was the vivid color that caught your attention at first. It came in tones of fuchsia, jade and yellow. Your bloodpusher fluttered for a moment, as you silently dared yourself to just look down further.

You wished you hadn’t.

You’d dashed your own hopes and dreams before, but this was by far the worst you had felt in maybe a week. Grey mottled with fuchsia mottled with jade mottled with yellow mottled with fried remains of flashing lights too overwhelming to process and eyes trained on you from the corner of the room and

Hey, there was somebody alive in here?

Oh thank god.

“kar wwhat the FUCK is this”

He was still openmouthed, gaping, typing out a memo you’d never joined, at least not this time around. You didn’t know why you thought you ought to have. Perhaps it was because you usually checked all of his memos. You should soon, it might help you catch up on what the fuck is going on.

“I—ERIDAN! OH THANK FUCKING *GOD* YOU’RE HERE, YOU, I, SOLLUX- FEFERI- KANAYA, I COULDN’T!”

He went on rambling for a while, but you were having trouble keeping up. You’d defaulted back to instinct, hardened from your days of orphaning. You could see Captor’s chest slowly rising and falling, and, still ignoring Karkat unintentionally, you stooped down next to his soon to be corpse.  
  
“… ERIDAN? FOR FUCK’S FUCKING SAKE, I KNEW YOU FUCKING HATED HIM BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO YANK HIS BULGE OUT PAST HIS *NUTRITION CHUTE* ONE MORE TIME WHEN HE’S ALREADY DEAD! I KNEW YOU WERE DISGUSTING, BUT THIS IS DOUCHEBAGGERY AT ITS- WHY AM I WASTING TIME ON THIS??? THERE’S! A CLOWN, A SPIDER, AND FUCK KNOWS WHO THE SHITHURDLING PAILBAG ELSE GOING AROUND ON A *MURDER* SPREE AND I’M! I’M STILL FUCKING DOING IT! WHY!”  


You’re still ignoring him quite well. You slung the pissblood up, over your shoulder. If nothing else, if he doesn’t wake up, and despite Karkat’s objections, he’ll make good bait. Especially if either Vriska or Gamzee wanted to finish him off. Without even stopping to realize what you were doing, you stepped forward to do the same to Karkat.  
  
“DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!”  
“oh fuck sorry kar”  
“WHY!”  
“im in a hurry so hurry the fuck up”  
“WHO MADE YOU THE LEADER?”  
“wwell im SORRY this doesn’t look anything like good leadership to me”

You’d hurt his feelings, but you stashed the guilt away for now.

“look wwe gotta get goin if wwe wwanna finish em off wwhile their guards dowwn”  
He stared blankly at you. “YOU’RE NOT- ERIDAN, WE CAN’T SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS WITH *HOMICIDE*!”  
“you wwanna fuckin bet”  
“NO. NO, I’M NOT GOING WITH YOU.”  
“kar don’t be a fuckin pansy”  
“YOU-”  
He shut up after that, for once, letting the silence finally wash over your fins.

Out of the lab you went, bringing him and Sollux with you.

There wasn’t far to go. After a while, you dumped Sollux onto Karkat, crouching down next to him. Tavros looked particularly murder-prone at the moment.  
“don’t movve”  
“OH GOD. DON’T. I THOUGHT YOU DROPPED YOUR WEIRD PITCH THING WITH HIM ALREADY.”  
“look kar sometimes things gotta be done”  
“YOU PARALYZED HIM BELOW THE WAIST! IT’S *DONE* ENOUGH!”  
“wwell he wwanted to pail and wwe wwere six kar”  
“YOU DON’T PARALYZE PEOPLE FOR WANTING TO PAIL ERIDAN!”  
“wwhy not it sure stopped him right”  
You were abruptly interrupted by a lance stabbing through your back, through your ribcage, stopping just short of Karkat. You paled, glancing up at him.  
“s-shit- its alright kar ill just—”  
You’d meant to tell him you’d god tiered thanks to your stupid fucking consorts murdering you earlier, but you cringed harshly as the lance was twisted.  
“WHAT THE FUCK!”

The wonderful expletive was the last thing you heard before you blacked out.

Fortunately for you, you hadn’t done anything particularly wrong yet. There was nothing heroic, nor was there anything just. It was just the same sort of mundane argument that gets most trolls killed on Alternia.  
  
When you next awoke, Karkat had disappeared entirely along with his bloodbag of a friend, leaving Tavros jeering over you for whatever reason. Did he feel good about himself? You sat up, annoyed and still with a gaping hole through your chest, grabbing one of his new legs and squeezing.

He screamed as you brought him down and crunched through the metal, taking his own lance and driving it through his neck. You kicked him down to the lower reaches of the meteor, onto an unsuspecting Gamzee, unintentionally slowing him down.

Your hands now stained with bronze, you adjusted your clothes. They’d gone back to your stupid god tier with your revival. Great. Yellow. Your favorite color by far.

You disregarded your own disdain, forcing yourself up to look for your mutant friend and the filthy company he kept.

You just had to follow his shouting.

You were almost there when you saw one and seven pupils peering eerily at you through the darkness. You automatically equip your wand, holding it tight in hand. You were ready to shoot, but were abruptly caught off-guard by quiet honking from the direction in which you had dropped the body of a certain lowblood. Gamzee joined the now-trio, leaving you to stare at the two of them, tense, not sure who would attack first.  
  
That is, until you heard a chainsaw revving.

Right when you had been about to whip your wand toward Vriska, you spotted a glow out of the corner of your eye. You nearly dropped your wand, staring at the one you’d left for dead.

You didn’t have long to stare, because she ran right up to you and punched you in the face. You didn’t know why, but you could only assume it was the blood on your hands. You didn’t think you deserved it, at any rate.

From your pained position on the ground, you saw Gamzee try to slink away, only to be kicked right in the shame globes. That had to hurt. You winced, mostly at your own pain. Any sympathy you had once had for him had long since drained away.

You closed your eyes for a moment to try to recuperate, sitting up when you heard a crushing sound.  
Fluorite was delicate, you knew that, and you weren’t sure how Vriska managed to keep her octet for so long. It was probably luck. It had definitely run out now though, as they were crushed into dust below Kanaya’s heel. The rainbow drinker lifted the chainsaw, and you could practically see the hearts flashing in Vriska’s eyes before she was split cleanly across the middle.

Despite this, you couldn’t stop staring. What the fuck. What the fucking fuck. What the FUCK.  
The last part was apparently audible, because it snapped Karkat, who was apparently just watching this whole time, out of his daze. Just as Kanaya turned to do the same to Gamzee, he slowly shuffled closer to her to begin papping her.  
  
What.  
  
You went to object but were swiftly subdued by more papping from the apparent resident pale-whore. The honking grew louder. For some reason, Karkat decided Sollux needed papping before he got to Gamzee. This infuriated you beyond comprehension.  
  
Finally, it was done. He hugged the traitor. You shuffled to the side awkwardly, to avoid getting your pantaloons soaked by the cerulean blood that leaked from your other black flame’s corpse.

But you still had to deal with Jack.

Once it seemed calm, you stared out over the edge of the meteor. Terezi had joined too, with less innocent intent.  
Though you didn’t know it, you had been framed for every murder thus far. She drew her sword.

What happened next was beyond you, though, because some blue asshole teleported in and punched you out again.  
  
“WH4T”

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like, I suppose I can write more of this AU!


End file.
